Living the single life

Yeah, so I'm single now. It's sweet. All the pussy you can get your hands on. Namely, none.

That's the problem with being a guy with no game. I kinda show up, say things, and watch girls walk away to do something ten times more interesting than talking to me.

I was given a lecture today about being a pessimist when it comes to women. Basically I learned that you have to be sure of yourself, and go in thinking your gonna get something. Like a fucking hunter you gotta get your eyes on the target (note: vag) and shoot (note: semen).

Problem is, I can't do that. I view women like people, people who don't like me. Which would be fine, if I just had a bad self image of myself, but the biggest problem is its an accurate vision of myself.

I think the biggest problem is that women don't know me. They just see some creepy guy with long hair and a penchant for saying offensive things.

Ah hell, they do know me.....

Spore and how it is dangerous

So I bought Spore, the game where you start as a cell and move on to rule the universe. Along the way you get to create all kinds of well thought out creatures. Naturally this means a lot of penis monsters. I enjoy the whole conquer the universe angle, but once I showed the creature creator to my girlfriend I knew I would not be the only one playing this game.

"Awww," she cooed as she created an odd purple ducklike creation that I must admit, is the cutest damn thing Ive seen in a long time.

Honestly, creating something cute never occurred to me. I was more for the quirky claw-ridden characters with too many legs, but its a great idea to make something cute. Why? Because you know that some dude will see this cute thing and viciously attack it.

Sad? Yes. True? Too.

Its not a happy thought knowing that cute little Crabragoony will be the victim of some horrible space obduction on some sweaty geeks computer, but its an honest one. I just wonder how I'll break the news to my girlfriend.

Not looking forward to that conversation. But in the meantime...wow, isn't that cute.

winning and why it is awsome

You know whats better than beating a one-armed person in a boxing match. Beating a no-armed person in a boxing match!

I essentially was able to enjoy the previously mentioned experience when I played my gf in a baseball videogame. You'd think it would get boring striking out ten people in a row, or getting eight homeruns an inning, but no its as awsome as taking ice cream from a starving ethiopian.*

Heres the problem with playing videogames with somebody who knows how to play them, you don't always win. And as any high school coach would say, winning an asinine game is more important than anything else.

Thus, I play videogames with my girlfriend, which can be both entertaining, and more frustrating than trying to convince a church goer that theres such thing in life as fun. If you like winning its great to play against her, but shes also one of those people that doesn't care about winning. Its infuriating, she can lose and still have a good time. Thats like going out for a nice dinner, getting a bowl of pig piss along with a kick in the nuts, then still leaving a 20 percent tip.

So basically the point that I'm trying to make is winning is important. Very important. Winning is some that should be done frequently, no matter what the cost. That's how I'm going to raise my son, and that's why I will be a terrible father.




*note: it is very awsome to take ice cream from a starving etheopian

cocaine the other stimulant

So its nearly 2 oclock in the morning and I have class to go to in a few hours. Naturally the smart thing is to stare at unnatural light and type.

I got peer pressured into cocaine today. Man, that stuff burns the throat and nose, keeps you up for hours, and ends up making you wish you could get some more. Red Bull Cocaine, the drink of champions, crammers, and meth addicts alike. What a fine, completely healthy thing to put in one's body.

Seriously though, it tastes kind of like how berries would taste if you soaked them in battery acid and shoved them to the back of your throat. A real pick me up that immediately made me pull out my wallet in order to try to buy another one off my friend.

When analyzing this drink pure fratboy logic takes over.

"So, if one is equal to three and a half red bulls, and two are equal to seven red bulls, then if I shotgunned three I'd be seeing another fucking planet!"

Fantastic, a drink that makes the heart palpatate, the eyes twitch, and gives you a crash somewhere along the like of dropping three sleeping pills while listening to a guy prattle on how his left leg itches more than his right.

Obviously I want more, the question goes how far am I willing to go to find some. Does this mean I'll end up on my knees with two bloodshot eyes, short shorts, and some creepy guy smoking a cigarette in the corner?

Perhaps, or maybe I'll just use a fucking credit card.